We were meant for more than this

The number of times lately that I have been reminded that this earth is not our home, we were meant for more, is staggering. Not to say I'm unhappy, far from it, but I have seen so much of the effect from the fall of man that I can't help but "groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven"(2 Cor. 5:2).

It's so easy to just get caught up in this life and not want to take the "scary" challenges from God like seek Him first and let Him take care of all my needs. Sometimes I feel like I'm going through life just looking at my feet and missing the bigger picture of what God is doing in this world. Would I be more motivated if I fully understood how temporary this life is? Would I more willingly risk the temporary for the eternal? Would I be able to cast off fear and live the full life Jesus promised? Maybe. But it can't just all be a head exercise, as if knowledge alone would ever fix me. But along with this ever present reminder that this world is not my home I am feeling a gentle whisper from God to come in deeper, to know Him more, to love Him more, and acknowledge that every part of me is known and give Him all the things I hold onto. With this is an ever growing "ambition, whether at home [with God] or absent [on earth], to be pleasing to Him." (2 Cor. 5:9). My prayer is that I listen to the voice of God, allow Him to change me, and earnestly seek His face.

I'm feeling fine

Everything went well. I'm very sleepy, but decided to let you all know that I'm fine. Thank you for your prayers, I feel like God answered them all.

Surgery

After 5 and a half months of my body not completing the miscarriage the Doctors have decided that I need to have a Hysteroscope D and C. And since the are already in there they are also doing a Laparoscopic surgery to look for endometriosis. Apparently since 2 of my sisters have been diagnosed with it that gives me a 50-50 chance of having it as well, even without the symptoms. I decided to do it now because insurance will cover it now under recurrent pregnancy loss where later they won't because it will be under infertility. Another reason is that if I have endometriosis it could be the cause of my past miscarriages because it apparently affects your immune system to where your body rejects the baby. I'm going in tomorrow at 6:45 and am scheduled to be in surgery at 9:00. I have to go in earlier than the regular 2 hours because I have come down with a cold so they need to make sure that it's okay for me to proceed with the surgery.

I'm frustrated that it took them so long to figure things out. Everything dealing with the miscarriage has made me realize that doctors don't know everything, and that is a nerve wracking thing to think when you are about to go under the knife. I've only ever had oral surgeries so this is scarier because there is more at risk. If something goes wrong it might have a permanent ill affect on my fertility. They could also end up accidentally cutting near by organs. And it's also hard for me to see Joel fighting anxiety because he doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. Okay, now I've vented. It's time to pray again.
So please pray with us:

• That God would help us not to be anxious .
• That I would be healthy enough for them to be able to operate on me.
• That the procedure would go well (that they will not scar or puncture my uterus so fertility would’t be harmed).
• And that I would recover well.

Thanks everyone for your support through all of our fertility struggles and loss. It means a lot to both of us that people care. I'm glad God doesn't expect us to go through life alone but gives us friends and family to help us get over hurdles, to cry with us when we can't , and to encourage us to be more like Christ.

I'm sitting here wondering how it is we continue to let ourselves be deceived and allow footholds for sin in our life. How is it that we think that it only affects ourselves, as if we are an island in this world. We play with sin, thinking it is not a big deal, or we are an exception to the rule. As if any experience or feeling we have is original, there is nothing new under the sun. This is the reality that Ethnos Church is facing now. We are scrambling to learn what it is to restore people who are repentant of sins that have hurt all of us.

This situation made me realize how easily we deceive ourselves and allow ourselves to be deceived by the enemy of our souls. But thankfully God is so gracious to us. Jesus is perfect, and yet when the woman caught in sin was brought before Him to be stoned He mercifully said "he who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." and everyone had to leave. Then He asked her "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?" her reply "No one Lord" then beautifully He responds "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.". Jesus as the only perfect one there had every right to condemn her, but His love and mercy are greater. He forgave much, and I like to think that she loved Him for it.

This story is a helpful reminder to me at this time. It's easy to judge and categorize sin, but I am nothing close to perfect. And if the lover of our souls does not condemn, I will choose not to either. I think it will be something I will have to remind myself every time my human nature pops up, but I think it is worth it to learn more about the heart of God. I don't know what it looks like to have a church restore brothers and sisters who stumble, but my prayer is that Ethnos will look to God for the answer and show the world that is watching that through Christ restoration is possible. His cross is achingly beautiful, the price has been paid. Thank you Jesus!