Peaceful times

My sister Julie and her husband Matt invited the whole family to stay at their vacation home in Husum Washington (across the river from Hood River Oregon) for a long weekend. It was so nice to just relax and spend time with each other. Everyone was coming and going as their schedules allowed with dog in tow. Each of our families now have a dog, Alonna and Dan are the latest happy parents of a hairy baby named Daisy. She is a sweet little boston terrier. We have all fallen in love with the only dog in the extended family that would qualify as a lap dog (even though all of our larger dogs still try to qualify, oof!). It was wonderful to see the White Salmon River from the house and be able to take a short walk to Husum Falls and watch the rafters go over the 10 foot falls. We heard many a woohoo! Going on this mini vacation reminded me of how important it is to slow down and enjoy life and spend time with God every day, not just when I can get away on vacation. It’s good for my soul. I can do this wherever I am if I only try. Joel and I just put an offer on a house and I realized how important it is to me to have our home be a peaceful place. I’m not meaning this in a noise level sort of way, after all Joel is my husband, but in an attitude and way of life. I want people who visit our home to notice the peacefulness too. I also appreciated the good example of hospitality Matt and Julie gave us all, and how they share what God has given them. They have made their home available to the pastors at their church. I hope that I also remember that everything I have has been a gift from God and that I need to be generous also.

A shout of joy comes in the morning

These last few weeks have been a time of growing pains and heartache but I wanted to take a moment and share the joy that has come from God. This joy has nothing to do with circumstances, but has everything to do with God’s loving-kindness. The day the doctor confirmed my miscarriage while I was crying out to God I was reminded of the verse “Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30: 5). I prayed this verse for Joel and me, asking God that He would give us a joy that would be a gift from Him. God was faithful to answer that prayer and joy and peace touched my heart. It was funny actually because in the midst of sadness and wanting a good pity party, I would feel a gentle brush of joy touch my heart and I could not help but smile. I would have to laugh. It reminded me of when friends and family would cheer me up when I would stubbornly want to pout but I would find that smiling muscles seem to be much stronger than the frowning ones and the smile would win out. “You’ve ruined my pout” I would joke. The verse “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34: 18) became very real to me. I was not being extra religious, praying harder or reading the Bible more, yet God gave me joy, peace, hope, and His love became very obvious to me.

God also comforted me by helping me remember that He has also experienced the greatest suffering “Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53: 4-5). I also firmly believe that during the time when the miscarriage was uncertain, and I was crying out to God asking to keep the baby, that my Father in Heaven wept as He had to say no.

God has helped me to realize and take to heart that there are so many things to be grateful for, and there are many more blessings every day than hard things. So when I worry about Joel’s mom, feel sadness about our lost baby, or get mad that Joel is overworked and underpaid, I am becoming better at putting that into perspective and being grateful for the many things that I do have. On the hardest of days I can still be thankful for something as simple as the breath that I breathe, and the moment that I breathe my last I can thank God that I get to shed this earthly tent and go home to Him.

Nothing is guaranteed, and when I feel entitled to have things the way that I want them I become ungrateful. For the time-being most of that ungratefulness has been stripped away by gaining a new perspective through loss. My hope is that through God’s help I will continue to look for His blessings and be grateful after time has passed and life gets back to normal. “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18).

I am glad that God has made something good of this hard time of the loss of our baby and worrying over Robin. Now, I wouldn’t have chosen for things to have turned out as they have, but God is beginning to teach me to worship in the midst of grief. Before this time of loss I would struggle against anything I didn’t like, I would refuse to accept it, or hide myself from it; but God has proven Himself to be trustworthy and good so now I am beginning to struggle less with the hard stuff in life. I have a long way to go, but I would like to be more like David when he said “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing: You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.” (Psalm 30: 11-12).

There will be future times of difficulty but Jesus said “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16: 33) and that is comforting.

On Sunday we sang a worship song with the line “you give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will choose to say, LORD, blessed be Your Name” and with a catch in my voice and tears misting in my eyes I finally knew what that meant.