Grief Observed
Life can take some quick turns we don’t expect. We make plans and often have our heads in the future, but we do not know what the rest of the day will bring. Monday I started bleeding, and very worried I called up my doctor. I was given an appointment for that day. After an uncomfortable exam I saw the serious face of my doctor, she didn’t like what she was seeing, but said it could be nothing. I was rushed out of the office to go and get an ultrasound and blood test. Inconclusive. I have to go in again on Wednesday for a follow up blood test. Wednesday night it’s official. I’ve miscarried.
Our baby lived to be 6 weeks old. All the plans and dreams for this child tuned into pain. It feels odd to be a mother, that Joel is a father, and to know that family is grandparents, aunts, and uncles without being able to meet the person that makes us so. But God in His mercy gave us a very important gift, the ability to weep. I can’t tell you how healing it is to be able to weep from your very soul and know that God hears. He knows. Yes, I am very sad about not getting to meet our baby this side of heaven, but I have great hope in my Heavenly Father because He knows our child. The 6 weeks of life our baby had matters to Him. I will probably never know why this happened, but God is still God, and I know He is good. Because of Him I can always cry with hope, knowing that the creator of the universe knows me, has called me His own, has plans to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future. I know that everyone who walks this earth will know grief, but those who belong to Him will see a day when all wrongs will be undone, and pain will cease to exist. In light of all this I am comforted.
I know many of you have been praying for Joel and me and it has been such a blessing. Thank you.
Our baby lived to be 6 weeks old. All the plans and dreams for this child tuned into pain. It feels odd to be a mother, that Joel is a father, and to know that family is grandparents, aunts, and uncles without being able to meet the person that makes us so. But God in His mercy gave us a very important gift, the ability to weep. I can’t tell you how healing it is to be able to weep from your very soul and know that God hears. He knows. Yes, I am very sad about not getting to meet our baby this side of heaven, but I have great hope in my Heavenly Father because He knows our child. The 6 weeks of life our baby had matters to Him. I will probably never know why this happened, but God is still God, and I know He is good. Because of Him I can always cry with hope, knowing that the creator of the universe knows me, has called me His own, has plans to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future. I know that everyone who walks this earth will know grief, but those who belong to Him will see a day when all wrongs will be undone, and pain will cease to exist. In light of all this I am comforted.
I know many of you have been praying for Joel and me and it has been such a blessing. Thank you.
posted by Natalie | 2:21 AM
6 Comments:
You are so wise, Natalie. Matt and I continue to pray for you, if you ever want to talk, just et me know. I believe you have my cell number. If not, Joel should have it from the tech stuff. I understand how you feel. But you are right, God is right here. With all of us.
We are praying for you guys, as noted other places also...
But Natalie, you have an incredible way with words - especially in a time when you are hurting like this. Thank you for being open and vulnerable like this.
I am praying for you. You are a great example of hope... and trusting in God regardless of struggles.
When I was very young, my mom miscarried my brother within two weeks of the due date. The cord wrapped around his little throat and cut off the oxygen... I've always wondered what life would be like with a brother.
Natalie, I've been thinking about you a lot these last few days, wondering how you and Joel are doing. Your entry was really beautiful- thank you for updating us in such an open and honest way. You have a beautiful heart.
We will continue to pray for you two...
What a beautiful entry, Natalie.
I love you and I miss you guys.
love you Nattie! You are so deep and such a good writer too! you made me cry in the office. (I guess that is what I get for checking blogs at work)
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