Of dreams and other things
I decided to write a blog to cheer myself up. For more than a month I have been struggling with feelings that don’t match up to what I’m thinking. An annoying side affect to hormones that have no place to go, kind of a perma PMS. Any pity you feel for my unfortunate husband is well founded. But he has handled my widely variant moods well, placing him one step closer to sainthood. I love him. Fortunately I have been leveling out quickly this last week and have hopes that I will be normal soon.
So, to cheer myself up I’m writing a blog about my dreams. This can be a dangerous move because dreams are something held close to the heart. And I admit I am pretty self-conscious, worrying that people may look down on me since my dreams aren’t very deep, but hey, I’m just going to take that risk.
A dream that seems to be coming partly true right now is getting a house. If things go as we hope it will happen in a month. I like that the house has more room than we need right now so we can start to practice hospitality. In the future I would like to live on larger property. I love the quiet and slower pace of life. It’s also nicer to look out the window and see trees instead of the wall of a neighbors’ house.
Something I hope will happen soon is to have children. We have to go through a short waiting period so my body can recover, but it would be nice to have little children running around looking like little Joels or Natalies. We haven’t decided how many children we want, we jokingly say 2.5, we just can’t honestly say until we experience being parents. I know that it is important to both of us that we have only as many kids as we can effectively love and parent.
A not-so-secret dream is that I would like to have horses to go with the property mentioned above. To be more specific I would like Paso Finos. They are a “gaited” horse which means they do not trot they instead move in a way that is smooth while still ground covering. This means that they are comfortable to ride and it would be easier for inexperienced people or people with back, hip or knee issues to ride. I would like to share horses with people. I know that there are many girls who have dreams about horses, and even some boys want to be a cowboy and I think that important relationships can be formed over the sharing of common dreams. I have also noticed something special happens when adults get to live out a childhood dream. It touches somewhere deep inside, and it is beautiful to watch.
Another thing I would like to do in my lifetime is to write a book. I don’t know if it would be for public consumption, but I just feel like I need to write. Now there is a little hitch that comes with how I write. I had a teacher explain it this way; there are two kinds of writers, tree people and forest people. In other words some people see the small picture, like characters, scenes, and settings. Some people see the broad picture, like a general plot. Both types of people can eventually work towards a complete story, but the tree people have a harder time. We can write something that is beautiful in detail, but if it doesn’t go anywhere people quickly lose interest. My biggest problem is with conflict (what does that say about me?) and without it there is no story. Maybe that’s why the only thing I’ve published is a poem.
Now this is a dream I haven’t shared with anyone but Joel because it isn’t very clear. I would like to do something to minister to Native Americans. I went on a mini mission trip in high school to the Warm Springs reservation and witnessed firsthand the hopelessness, mistrust, and need for truth. I was so sad when I went to their museum and saw what the church had done in the past. The Native Americans were told basically that everything about their culture was evil and they had to dress, behave, and talk like white people to be Christians. Years later a man from the organization Red Soul Rising came to my church as a guest speaker and talked about how they were ministering to, and sharing the gospel with Native Americans and how they were encouraging them to worship God using their culture. He proved his point by singing in his tribes’ language and drumming. It was touching to hear him worship God in a way that mattered to him and how he wanted to share that with other Native Americans. I don’t know what I can do, but I hope God will show me.
You know what? I feel better already.
So, to cheer myself up I’m writing a blog about my dreams. This can be a dangerous move because dreams are something held close to the heart. And I admit I am pretty self-conscious, worrying that people may look down on me since my dreams aren’t very deep, but hey, I’m just going to take that risk.
A dream that seems to be coming partly true right now is getting a house. If things go as we hope it will happen in a month. I like that the house has more room than we need right now so we can start to practice hospitality. In the future I would like to live on larger property. I love the quiet and slower pace of life. It’s also nicer to look out the window and see trees instead of the wall of a neighbors’ house.
Something I hope will happen soon is to have children. We have to go through a short waiting period so my body can recover, but it would be nice to have little children running around looking like little Joels or Natalies. We haven’t decided how many children we want, we jokingly say 2.5, we just can’t honestly say until we experience being parents. I know that it is important to both of us that we have only as many kids as we can effectively love and parent.
A not-so-secret dream is that I would like to have horses to go with the property mentioned above. To be more specific I would like Paso Finos. They are a “gaited” horse which means they do not trot they instead move in a way that is smooth while still ground covering. This means that they are comfortable to ride and it would be easier for inexperienced people or people with back, hip or knee issues to ride. I would like to share horses with people. I know that there are many girls who have dreams about horses, and even some boys want to be a cowboy and I think that important relationships can be formed over the sharing of common dreams. I have also noticed something special happens when adults get to live out a childhood dream. It touches somewhere deep inside, and it is beautiful to watch.
Another thing I would like to do in my lifetime is to write a book. I don’t know if it would be for public consumption, but I just feel like I need to write. Now there is a little hitch that comes with how I write. I had a teacher explain it this way; there are two kinds of writers, tree people and forest people. In other words some people see the small picture, like characters, scenes, and settings. Some people see the broad picture, like a general plot. Both types of people can eventually work towards a complete story, but the tree people have a harder time. We can write something that is beautiful in detail, but if it doesn’t go anywhere people quickly lose interest. My biggest problem is with conflict (what does that say about me?) and without it there is no story. Maybe that’s why the only thing I’ve published is a poem.
Now this is a dream I haven’t shared with anyone but Joel because it isn’t very clear. I would like to do something to minister to Native Americans. I went on a mini mission trip in high school to the Warm Springs reservation and witnessed firsthand the hopelessness, mistrust, and need for truth. I was so sad when I went to their museum and saw what the church had done in the past. The Native Americans were told basically that everything about their culture was evil and they had to dress, behave, and talk like white people to be Christians. Years later a man from the organization Red Soul Rising came to my church as a guest speaker and talked about how they were ministering to, and sharing the gospel with Native Americans and how they were encouraging them to worship God using their culture. He proved his point by singing in his tribes’ language and drumming. It was touching to hear him worship God in a way that mattered to him and how he wanted to share that with other Native Americans. I don’t know what I can do, but I hope God will show me.
You know what? I feel better already.
posted by Natalie | 10:34 PM
8 Comments:
I also like to write and dislike conflict. Here's another angle that might help you: instead of striving to write about "conflict," try writing about "struggle." Develop the protagonist at the beginning of the story, showing a weakness or difficulty that they struggle with. Focus your writing on how the character grew... what steps were taken, what happened that caused hardship and what was finally learned in the end. It is more of an internal take on writing and when done well can be a very moving and thought provoking. I am sure you have material in your own past that you can use to practice this stye of writing... think of life lessons, times of growth. It would also be an interesting thing to stick away somewhere safe and pull out in 5 to 10 years for a quick read to see how you have changed over time.
Wow, Natalie. How exciting to read your mind and your heart! I am excited for you. I have always wanted horses, so you'll have to let me ride once you get some. : )
Hey, cool post. I am not disappointed by your dreams at all =). I hope you're feeling a little better... I've been having weird mood swings lately too. I know it's not for the same reason, but I understand it's difficult. I had to giggle at Joel's "sainthood"... so true! Joel is amazing!
Along the lines of ministering to Native American people... I have just been thinking of this lately. I read a book about smallpox, and in it they talked about how the European settlers intentionally spread smallpox to the Native Americans when they came. The Native American population was so diminished that they couldn't even defend the land they had spent generations on, etc. It is sad to think of their poor treatment in the past, and even more sad to realize that it's not really over-- the reservations I've been to are not nice places, like you said, and even now little effort is being made to change that.
Anyway, I appreciate you sharing your dreams, and I'm so glad that you want to work with Native Americans, I think that is a great goal, even if it is still vague.
Hope you are having a good week!
You have a beautiful heart, Natalie... and excellent dreams!
Being an Alaskan Native, I can really relate to what you have written, and what you feel for the indigenous people of this land. I'm going to leave it at that, because I'm kind of militant when it comes to this subject.
As for the love of horses, you need to meet and get to know Stephanie. She has been a part of Ethnos for about a month and a half now. I'll introduce you.
Happy Birthday Nattie!!!! Love you.
blog more
Happy Birthday, Natalie- I hope you had a wonderful day!!!
I vote 'more blog entries' too... :)
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